Last year a lot happened, there were so many changes that I wondered, ''is this really happening?''
I started my dream school, got international friends, and finally moved in the hostels. I was living the campus dream. I could finally attend to the campus parties, hang out with the cool kids and maybe, I could finally have my prince charming, especially if he could have Michael Jordan's physic and Chris Brown's talent. Now that I would call ''love at first sight''.
It started very well, attending classes on time, ensuring I participated in class not just because am smart, but mostly because I like attention. Am a last born, don't blame me. After class, I would hang out with my new roommate, she was very cool, and she made it fun to stay in campus. I knew we would be good friends the moment we sat next to each other during the school orientation. She started making jokes and I knew, ''that's my girl''.
I wasn't wrong about her, we actually became really good friends and started hanging out with the cool kids in school. We got to hang out in the cool places in school and in Nairobi. Me and her, we were inseparable. Everybody in school knew us and they all envied the friendship we had. They would tell us, ''you guys are lucky, you just met in here and became good roommates and good friends''. To be honest, she was my partner in crime and my ''bestiiee''.
Now I bet you must be wondering where my story is heading to, it can either just be a happy story about two girls who met in campus and became best friends or it could be a story that has a big message of being true to oneself.
Well, we did end up being good friends but it started changing when the term was ending. I realized ever since I joined school I had never spent a day by myself. I was always with my roommate, there was no day I was alone and that made me realize I was getting addicted to her. That is, I forgot how to make new friends without her help, I even stopped thinking for myself. It looked like I couldn't function without her.
I will give an example. There was a time I was asked to go on a date by a boy, even though he didn't have Michael Jordan's physic, he had Kevin Hart's physic which was okay with me. During that time the guy was asking me out on a date, I asked him if my roommate could join us. At first he looked at me like I was a crazy woman, but because he really wanted me to go out with him, he accepted and told me the plans. I was really happy he accepted and I called my roommate and told her the good news. She was first confused, but she was like ''girl, he wants to take you out, not you and I?'' I thought she was just messing with me and didn't want to go, so I just ignored her and told he to be ready in the evening.
The boy was very punctual, at seven o' clock, he was waiting for us outside our hostel room. My roommate was still complaining but I ignored her and opened the door to meet up with the boy. He smiled, complimented my outfit and helped me to get into the car. The whole drive was quiet with a little background music by Sauti Sol band.
We got to the restaurant and sat a table next to the window in order to see the beautiful Nairobi city. I took the menu, and asked my roommate what she wanted to eat and when she chose to eat fried chicken with some fries, I chose the same thing. While the boy decided to eat some beef and rice. As we waited for the food to come I talked to my roommate the whole time and I forgot that the boy was there.
After the eating, resting for a few minutes, the boy decided it was time for us to go back to school and for him to go back home. The whole drive was quiet again with the same background music and we got to school before it was midnight. As I was getting out of the car, the boy asked if he could talk to me alone, I felt some butterflies in my tummy but I agreed to it. My roommate thanked the boy for the good time and went up to our hostel room.
In the car the boy started with, ''did you have a good time?''. I said, ''yes, that was fun, we should do that again.'' Looking at him, I saw disappointment on his face, but he still continued talking, ''look Joan, I really like you, and I want to date you, but I cannot date you together with your roommate.''
''What do you mean dating with me and my roommate?''. I asked. Then he said, ''you invited her on our first date. It looked like it was the only way I could get the chance to take you out. Look, I know she is your friend, but you need to live a little without her.'' At that point I was really angry and all I wanted was to leave there and go to my roommate and tell her about all this conversation so we could laugh about it.
Disrupting me in my thoughts, he held my hand and told me, ''do not loose yourself in the friendship, you will not be able to recover when you go deeper.'' And that's when I left the car all confused. He really got me into thinking about it. I asked myself, ''did i loose myself in the friendship? Did I forget the things O liked doing by myself? Are my goals still the same?'' Then I realized, my dreams had changed, they had actually become my roommates dreams. She wanted to finish school and go to Canada to study further while I wanted to go to London and get into the counseling psychology board but I had already searched how to go to Canada. I had even started saving to go to Canada instead of London, and I invited her to my first date.
I had totally lost myself in the friendship but she was still on track with her dreams and goals. I was actually helping her to achieve those goals. I finally understood when people say ''I lost myself in that relationship, I forgot about myself'' because that is what I had just done. I didn't put boundaries with myself nor did I check in with myself. I was so focused on finally having a ''bestiiee'' to even realize that I had attachment issues.
Before I went back to the room, I told myself I had to figure out on how to find myself. I needed to relearn how to enjoy my own company, to make decisions on my own and to set boundaries with myself. Oh, and to call the boy to thank him and ask him for another date, just the two of us. I loved my roommate, but in order for the friendship not to be toxic, I had to make all these changes.
Lets all be loyal to ourselves and be friends with ourselves. And it all starts by enjoying your own company first.
Yours truly;
Ira's thoughts.
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