Ask
Almost every day, my mother asks me, “How are you?” when she comes back from work. It prompts me to say what goes on my mind. Though I don't always speak the truth and sometimes I just tell the most common lie, “I am fine.” When in reality I am not. But it gives me mental satisfaction – my mother asked me about my well-being. She cares about it. I am still not comfortable opening up about my problems to her, but it gives me the feeling that she is there for me.
When I go through bad days and have down moods, I desperately want that someone would look at me, sense that I am not okay, and ask me to tell them what is going on. But honestly, I barely have people who do that. I hope that my friends would do that, as it is easier to open up to people the same age rather than parents. You may think why don't I just call someone and talk about my problems? At those times, I feel like maybe I am forcing them to listen to my ramblings and maybe annoying them, burdening them with my problems. Maybe these thoughts are just the results of my own depressed mind; nevertheless, it is hard and almost impossible to open up on my own.
I have friends who never forget to ask me “How is everything going? You okay?” And it makes me open up whenever I have hard times. It helps me lessen the burdens inside my chest.
When I worked on the project as a part of UNICEF’s On My Mind campaign, they said, “It starts with one moment, one question – what’s on your mind?” And from the experiences of my own life, I know how just one simple question can change everything.
The first steps are always the hardest. Asking someone about what goes on with them prompts them to take someone those first steps. It is like a key to open someone’s mind.
But, be careful. Don't ask insincerely. If you just ask it for the sake of asking and you don't have the mind to listen to them, then it’s better not to ask.
Listen
If you ask any young person why they don't talk about their mental health issues and personal problems to their parents, most of them will answer, “They won’t listen.”
If you ask me why I am not comfortable sharing my problems with my family and friends, I will say the same thing, “They won’t listen sincerely.” I still remember, once I was having a hard time and I have a friend who knows about my depressive moods. She said, “You are overthinking.” It pierced my heart and I never have the heart to open up to her again.
If our parents just listened, so many of us would have not made a wrong choice. If someone was there to just listen, so many lives would have been saved from suicide.
You have to listen without interrupting. You have to listen sincerely. You have to listen from the other person’s point of view (especially parents). It is not 100% possible, but at least try to understand that they are really having a hard time, even though it is nothing you can empathize with. Be careful with your word choice. The consequence of a wrong word at the wrong time can be really devastating.
Listening really works. It helps individuals who go through hard times unburden themselves. It reminds them that someone is there to listen, to care. You may not be able to fix their problems. But at least you can offer to listen to them. Parents may not necessarily agree with their children all the time, because of the generation gap and some other circumstances. But at least they can listen. It is a sign that they respect our opinions even though they cannot agree or empathize always.
